Realisation
by blatant-rusted
Summary: Since Kanda left him two years ago, Lavi has tried to forget him but some things aren't easily forgotten. And the fact of the matter is that he can't forget Kanda... or his feelings for him in that matter.  Contains sexual content.


**Hey all! I'm back somewhat. I have exams all now so I'll not be so active until June. Cathelien and I have decided to get into the fanfiction realm once again once exams are done. This is a collab between us with a twist. I will be doing the first part and Cathy will do the second part but you, the readers get to dictate how the second part goes. Only rule is that it's from Kanda's POV! Best idea gets turned into the second part of the story!**

**I do not own -Man. Only my stories are mine. **

It had been two years since Kanda left him. Two years that Lavi had failed to put what was left back together.

Alma, he thought, this is his fault. He stole Yuu from me.

Despite what he tried to convince himself about Kanda, he couldn't. He tried to lie to himself about what Kanda really meant to him but in the end, he could not deny the truth. It was inevitable. Kanda wasn't just a pretty face and a good fuck; he wasn't some temporary object to Lavi. No, he was more than that. He meant more to Lavi than he ever let on. Kanda was his best friend, his lover, and his companion. He was the only thing Lavi wanted to see after a long, hard day at work.

"Fuck, Yuu," he sighed, "I loved ya'. Fuck." Lavi pulled the covers over his shoulders once more; they had slipped. He stole a glance at the clock. It read two a.m. "Why'd ya' leave me, Yuu?"

He hadn't stopped dreaming of Kanda. It was the only thing that would calm him down. The image of Kanda standing at the window, looking out. The memories of the nights they had shared with each other were the only thing that he could think of when he needed to relive himself. He wasn't going to admit it, but the memories of those nights were the only thing that could make him feel something. They were the only thing that could bring him to a climax during sex... or when he masturbated.

He tried to use sex to forget about Kanda. He had slept with countless men and women during the past two years; the first one-night-stand being with his shift supervisor, Tyki. Try as he may, he realised he couldn't forget Kanda. He was there in his thoughts during sex. He was there for a split second after all was done and Lavi was left staring at the person in his bed. Lavi had even gone as far as to sleep with his employer, Komui, who was only too happy to oblige.

It lasted three nights, the hook-up with his boss. Three nights that Lavi desperately tried to use to forget about that man. The only reason Lavi brought Komui home, drunk and aroused, three times is that Komui reminded him nothing of Kanda. And he admitted to himself, Komui wasn't bad in bed, drunk or sober. It had almost worked. He almost didn't think of his ex-lover... almost. It happened on the first night. Lavi spent two more nights trying to achieve what he did on the first. He failed.

His latest fling, a woman named Lenalee, was the boss' younger sister. She was a pretty thing; tall, slender with long, dark hair. That hair reminded him of his lover and from the moment he saw it, Lavi was determined oh having his hands through it. It didn't take him long to seduce her, she was easy. It was almost as though she wanted him to fuck her. She was experienced too; an expert he would say. Lavi was fully aware that she fucked not only her own brother but also the vice-chairman of the board of directors. He knew she was with them at least twice a week but he still wanted her. It was because of her hair.

He never took his eyes off her hair; not even during sex. Even when she was straddled on top of him, rocking back and forth to bring him to the height of pleasure. He was transfixed on her hair; loose, messy and stuck to her skin, so much that he swore she was Kanda for a brief moment. Even when she begged him to make her feel good, or to touch her, one hand was always running through her hair.

Lavi turned to look at her now. She was facing away from him and the light coming through his window illuminated her silhouette. He saw her bare back, her firm ass, and, sprayed out over her, that dark hair. In that moment, he swore she wasn't Lenalee but Kanda. When Lavi blinked, she became Lenalee again. Lavi chuckled inwardly. She would be just another one of his one-night-stands in the morning, noting more. Lavi sighed in realisation and left the room.

He sat on the couch in complete darkness. Kanda was never returning.

"Why Alma? Why Alma, Yuu? Wasn't I good enough?"

Lavi thought back to the last time he had sex with Kanda. The other male was rougher than usual. Normally, Lavi would have liked it but that time, it felt different. Kanda pulled his hair harder, drove into him with more force, rubbed him so harshly, and said not one word. It was like he was trying to get rid of something. Lavi should have realised then; Alma had won Kanda back.

"Who does he think he is," Lavi spat, "Yuu was rightfully mine. Who does he think he is, coming and taking him from me... forever...? "

He stared into the darkness, tears forming. Lavi hadn't cried in years.

"I loved ya' Yuu. Why'd ya' leave?" he tried to wipe the tears away, "I fucking loved ya'..."

**Hope you guys liked it. Comments AND flames ARE ACCEPTABLE. **

**Love ya'!**


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